Looking Around the Bend at Life, Aging, and What Matters

by Tim Howington

I don’t know when you are officially considered an old man.  Denny’s says it is 55 with their old-timers breakfast, lunch, and dinner menu.  The government says you must apply for Medicaid before you are 65.  Teenagers think you are ancient in your forties. Some of us have the blissful joy of youth well into our 80s, while others have been grumpy old men since they were 7.

I think I am firmly on the cusp of being a younger old man.  At 64, I am in the teenage years of old-manism. Or so I will declare. By generation, I am a young boomer (1946-1964).  I was born in 1962. So why am I writing about this? Maybe I am too young, but if aging is a destiny, I can see it from here.

I have a good friend, Richard Nelson. He has been a mentor to me for most of my adult life.  Met him in my early 20s; he was one of my first bosses when I started my ministry and has helped me navigate a lot of things. One of my favorite memories of him was staying overnight at our house before a Board of Directors meeting when Terri and I were in our early marriage years. He comes in guns blazing and asks my wife playfully, “So what does Tim need to do to be a better husband?” She looks at me and asks, can I tell him? Unbeknownst to him, he had walked into a hornet’s nest with us dealing with a marriage issue that we were stuck in. I said sure, and for the next 3 hours he helped us talk through it and bring resolution.

Twelve years my senior, he has been a valuable resource in helping me navigate the next phase of life.  When I turned 40, I invited him to lunch, and I had an agenda.  WHAT ARE THE FORTIES LIKE? I guess that’s where my musing began. His thoughts were very helpful, so I contacted him when I turned 50, when I turned 60, and, Lord willing, when I turn 70. For some reason, I crave the understanding of what is around the bend. I am not the typical guy. If I get lost, I stop and ask for directions.  I like to know where I am going. My son Josh loves to navigate for me because he understands how map-oriented I am, so he waits until we are right on the next turn before telling me. Even though he knows it drives me crazy.

I will go on record and say I hate these GPS map things that control us these days in our cars and phones. No idea where I am; I just know in 2.3 miles I am supposed to turn right, followed by a quick left. Give me a map and a marker, please. (For you youngsters, that is how real men planned trips in the past.) Maybe I am older than I think. GET OFF MY YARD!

In this series of articles, I will address some of the things I am musing about for the future. I might dip into the past to bring some perspective from whence I have come. To be honest, at this writing I don’t know what I am going to address.  That is why they call it a muse. And this will be a hodgepodge muse.

Let’s look at the word MUSE (according to Merriam-Webster) – As a verb, it means to become absorbed in thought, especially to think about something carefully and thoroughly (musing about what might have been). In an archaic sense, it means to wonder or marvel. It could also mean to think or say (something) in a thoughtful way (“I could sell the house,” she mused, “but where would I go?”). Or as a noun, it might mean a state of deep thought or dreamy abstraction. (thrown into a muse by the book she was reading).

I will probably take a predictable path for me: the life wheel.

This is one of the constructs I work through in my thinking and planning. I stole and morphed this from others. But, most notably, I was exposed to a book on leadership by Bobb Biehl called Increasing Your Leadership Confidence over 25 years ago. He wrote a book on leadership and the characteristics that great leaders have in common.  One chapter was on balance. He tells a story of growing up in Michigan and the winds that blow in off the Great Lakes. He then asks a poignant question about whether the reader knows the difference between a blizzard and a snowstorm. Growing up in Texas and Arkansas with our 2-3 minor snowstorms a year, I have no idea what he is talking about. He goes on to say the difference is the wind. The wind turns a relatively mild winter event (snow) into a raging nightmare.

He uses that illustration to show how life is and how we get out of balance.  When life’s storms rage, we begin to think our life is full of so many pieces that we get overwhelmed. But really, life has only a limited number of areas we must manage. Balance comes from slowing down the wind and focusing on the few areas.  His original list is great (family and marriage, financial, personal growth, physical, professional, social, spiritual), but for some reason, over the years, my list morphed into the 7Fs with a clear mission and vision centering the approach (probably because I lost the book). Life in its essence consists of 7 key areas:

Faith

Family

Field (career)

Finances

Fitness

Friends

Fun (Hobbies and Gifting)

So, I hope you will join me in my musings.  I am still trying to figure out where to start. But it should be fun. Hope you enjoy!

TIM’S BOOKSHELF

www.timhowingtonbooks.com

TIM’S SUBSTACK

www.substack.com/@timhowington

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